The recent sex abuse scandal that has rocked Penn State should not come as such a shock.  There have been so many other well-publicized sex abuse scandals at schools, camps, and athletic programs across the U.S.  It’s the “old boys club” mentality that perpetuates pedophilia.  When are we, as a society, going to get it into our heads that our sons are just as vulnerable as our daughters?  Pedophiles don’t engage in abuse only for sexual gratification: they want control.  And who is easier to control than a boy who is uninformed about the existence of sexual predators?   What happened at Penn State is an atrocity, but I hope that it serves as a wake up call for parents to talk to their sons about how to protect themselves from sexual abuse.  Parents also need to trust their own instincts about whom they can leave their children with.  If anyone shows an unusual interest in your child, you should question their motivation.  If an adult is excessively interested in your child’s hobbies, it could be harmless.  But it could also be a sign that the adult is trying to groom your child for an inappropriate relationship. In that case, you need to intervene immediately.  Pay attention to mood swings and sudden drops in academic performance that your child might experience.  These things often occur when children are being abused.

Jerry Sandusky and his Penn State colleagues, including Joe Paterno, Tim Curley, Gary Schultz, and Graham Spanier, will hopefully be fully punished for their sex crimes.  Yes, I know that Sandusky is the only one of them who has been accused of a sex offense, but if these other men allowed him to continue his abuse so that they could preserve the reputation and cash flow of their coveted Penn State athletic program, they are guilty as well.  If we hold our children accountable for standing by and allowing bullying to continue, shouldn’t the same standard apply to adults.  Let’s hope that our legal system sees the issue clearly and holds all of these men accountable.  My prayers and thoughts are with the victims and their families.

Is it just me, or is the GOP trying to set up the great Black showdown for the 2012 election?  Since President Obama secured his seat as the Democratic presidential candidate in 2008, the GOP has been searching for a person of color to pit him against.  First it was Governor Bobby Jindal of Louisiana, who the GOP  thought would be the perfect running mate for Senator John McCain.  The GOP hoped that the young Jindal would help secure the Asian-American vote and perhaps appeal to African-American voters as well.  Well, it was evident, after hearing Jindal speak, that he was no match for Obama.  In another pathetic attempt to secure support from the Black community, the GOP then elected, for the first time in its history, a Black man, Michael Steele, to be the head of the Republican party.  Need I remind you of how that turned out?

Now the GOP has presented us with Herman Cain.  Well, what can I say?  I, for one, am not impressed with Uncle Cain or his 999 economic plan.    Cain appeared last night on The O’Reilly Factor.  Before his appearance I had very little respect for the Republican front-runner and his swiss cheese economic recovery plan.  After the interview, I was in disbelief that the GOP would even consider Mr. Cain a formidable candidate for the 2012 elections.  During the interview, Mr. Cain’s lack of knowledge on foreign policy was obvious.  When O’Reilly asked him how he would handle the situation with Iran and its involvement in Iraq,  the very naive Cain replied that he would put U.S. warships in the Persian Gulf to deter the Iranians.   Yes, that solution would make perfect sense to a moron who doesn’t understand a thing about the Middle East.  Cain sounds like he’s excited about the prospect of starting World War III with a nuclear-armed Iran.

As an African-American woman, I will never understand how any person of color can be a member of the GOP.  To me it makes as much sense as a Black person wanting to join the Ku Klux Klan.   My advice to the GOP is to go back to the drawing board.   If it wants the support of non-White communities, it needs to do more than offer up a string of unqualified candidates of the color du jour.  We won’t vote for a party that fundamentally opposes any social programs that can help improve our standard of living and “solves” the immigration problem by sending immigrants back to where they came from.   Just as women did not fall in line an support Palin as a female candidate in 2008, people of color in 2012 will not support a candidate solely because of the color of her or his skin.  While Obama serves his second term and Hillary Clinton has her two terms as President, perhaps the GOP will have had enough time to revamp and come up with a formidable presidential candidate.

Today is the 5th anniversary of my brother Larry’s passing.   He was killed by a young woman driving under the influence on October 18, 2006.  This year, instead of dwelling on what should have never been, my sister Sue and I have decided to do something meaningful in honor of Larry’s life.  We have partnered with an anti-bullying organization that we support, Bullying…We’re Kickin’ It (KI), to give out Track & Field scholarships in memory of Larry.  On Thursday, October 20th, our family, our friends, and supporters of KI will be attending a red carpet event at the Hard Rock Cafe in Times Squares to increase awareness about bullying and to raise money for programs for children across the U.S. who have experienced bullying.  A group of students from New York and New Jersey, some of whom have been targeted by bullies, have put together a fantastic program, which showcases the talents that have sustained them through their most difficult times.  We’re Kickin’ It (KI) is all about empowering targets of bullying to move beyond their negative experiences and to focus on sharing their talents with the world.  Larry always showed respect and kindness to others, so this is the perfect way to celebrate his life.  It’s always tough to make a trip to pay our respects to Larry at the cemetery, but this year I will take special comfort in knowing that his life, although short, touched so many and will continue to have a positive impact.  On behalf of my family, I would like to give special thanks to Larry’s friends, who were eager to support the scholarship.  My family and I are touched by your kind words and generosity.  Sir Lawrence (as I affectionately call him), you are missed by all who were blessed enough to see your infectious smile and experience your warmth, kindness, and love of life.  We love you, Larry!

On Friday,  I attended a blogger brunch at Krupp Kommunications, where I met the award-winning author of Cassandra’s Angel, Gina Otto.  Ms. Otto is remarkable woman who uses her talents as an author, public speaker, and film executive to inspire children and adults in the U.S. and abroad to look for their own hidden gifts and to use them to make our world a better place.  Gina’s message is one of love and courage: that we must look beyond our adversities and find the love in our hearts and the courage to triumph.  Only then can the world see us for who we are, not what they make us out to be.  Cassandra’s Angel is an inspirational book that evokes a strong respect for and love of humanity.  Ms. Otto has unlocked the key to making this world a better place.  As she kicks off  the national Change My World Now Bus Tour, a 20-city mobile tour to personally share the message in Cassandra’s Angel, I hope that you and everyone she meets will be as deeply touched by her compassion and devotion to the Change the World Now Movement.   Please visit changemyworldnow.com and see how you, your children, neighbors, friends, and colleagues can get involved in this historic, fast-growing, safe, socially-conscious, interactive, media-driven movement.   We at 3GB wish you all the best, Gina!

Note: The 3GB team would like to thank Rolemommy for inviting us to meet with such a dynamic woman as Ms. Otto.

When the queen of talk, Oprah Winfrey, stepped down, I wondered what would happen to the talk show era.  Yes, we have tell-it-like-it-is Dr. Phil, but there still seemed to be something missing from the traditional daytime talk.  It was the the ability to connect to an audience, not in a preachy way, but with compassion.  When I heard the announcement that Anderson Cooper, the celebrated CNN journalist, was embarking on a talk show career, I was ecstatic.  Anderson has a tremendous passion for reporting and asking the deep questions that you want answered.  He is raw but not confrontational.  He has been dedicated to issues such as bullying and human suffering, even beyond the demands of his profession.  Anderson has empathy for people in need, determination to make a difference, and a sense of responsibility.

On Friday, I had the opportunity to attend a taping of Anderson’s new talk show Anderson.  My sister, my mom, and I were so excited to be a part of the audience and to catch a glimpse of the silver-haired fox in action.  Not even my severe soar throat held me back.  The show that we attended was about domestic violence, a topic that resonates with us at 3GB.  Anderson’s guests shared their inspirational survival stories.  It was quite moving.  I encourage you to check out your local listings to see when this episode will be airing and keep tuning into Anderson.

I’m currently doing the back-to-school night shuffle.  Last night, I went to my boys’ elementary school, and today I’m going to Zaharah’s middle school.  Although I enjoy getting a preview of what the academic year will be like for my children and meeting their teachers, I have to admit that I dread back-to-school night.   It’s always a tough, grueling schedule.  I have to rush the kids through their homework, dinner, and our nightly routine, so that I can run off and get to their school by 7 p.m.  Then I have to figure out how to juggle all of my kids’ schedules, so that I can see all of their teachers.  It was lot easier when they each had one teacher, but now everyone except Arman has multiple teachers.   Of course, my kids want me to meet all of their teachers, and I never want to disappoint them.  In my opinion, back-to-school night should be held on Fridays, so parents can be more relaxed.  I forgot to mention that yesterday was Arman’s 7th birthday.  So we also cut a birthday cake before I left.

Happy 7th Birthday to my beautiful baby boy, Arman!  I can’t believe how much you have grown.  You have always been so independent and resourceful.  I’m proud of how hard you have worked to overcome your speech issues.  As a baby, your fiery temper earned you the name J.D.– Junkyard Dog.   But I was never put off by your willful nature; instead, I admired it.  It showed your great strength and resolve.  You are a loving and beautiful boy.

In 2003, when your father and I looked around, we realized that our family was incomplete.  Sure we had a son and a daughter, but we were missing a piece of our puzzle– you, our third child and spoiler.  You would be the one who would mellow everyone out and who your dad and I could relate to as third children.  You were so loved by both of us.  I remember when I was in my 5th month of pregnancy with you, the doctors told us that you might have kidney issues.  I cried and worried about you every day.  I was afraid that the situation might not resolve itself before your birth and that you might require surgery.  Funny how my concern and love for you was so great before we even met.  And when we finally met,  you were all that I dreamed: a beautiful, healthy, smiley baby boy.  In what seemed to be a cruel joke, ovarian cysts in me ruptured shortly after your were born. This emergency caused a bit of an emotional separation between you and me.  You see, while I was convalesing, you formed a strong bond with your dad, who cared for and nurtured you.  There were days when I longed to be close to you, but I knew that my time would come.  And when it did, I welcomed it and felt so blessed.  You are so lucky to be so loved by so many people.  I love you with all my heart. You will always be my J.D.  I love you, Armani!

I am excited to report that recently I had a wonderful opportunity to share my thoughts on parenting with Mommy Page, a new website launched by Trancos, Inc.  Mommy Page provides valuable advice on pregnancy, parenting, and couponing.  Check out my interview below or visit Mommy Stories on mommypage.com for details.  Thanks, Mommy Page for this terrific honor!

3girlsblogging – an interview with Lisa Franklyn-Zaidi

Lisa Franklyn-Zaidi gives some great advice about raising three children wildcats.

1. Tell me about your family and blog.

Prior to having my three wildcats, I worked in finance.  It was a great job, but it was not conducive to a family life.  I guess it’s true: women can’t have it all!  It’s a sad reality that most of us are in denial about. So anyway, I am a chatty mother of three– one girl and two boys.  On most days they are the love of my life, but there are those days when they are the bane of my existence.  I suppose that’s true for most moms, especially stay-at-home moms like me.  Stay-at-home mom?  That doesn’t roll off the tongue so easily.  Why not just housewife?  I’m liberal and progressive, but do we woman have to be so PC about everything?  Okay, I digress.  I did say that I was chatty.  Anyway, back to my life story.  I am married to my best friend Azeem, who I affectionately call Malik.  We met in high school and went to college together at Columbia University.  Currently, we co-own a tutoring company called Avid Learnning, LLC.  When I am not helping out at Avid, I spend time on my soblog (social networking/blog) called 3Girlsblogging.com.

3Girlsblogging is a collaboration with my sister, Dr. Sue- The Internist, and my eleven year old daughter Zaharah, Sassy Zazzy.  But let me give you a little background on how this collaboration came about.  My daughter Zaharah started a celebrity gossip blog at the age of 9.  I didn’t even know what blogging was back then.  So as a protective mom, I asked Zaharah to stop.  In Spring 2010, I was invited to participate in a private blog for Meredith Communications.  I decided to give it a try to find out what this whole blogging thing was about.  I ended up enjoying it and realizing that blogging is a great way for people to exchange ideas and thoughts.  Fast forward to January 2011: I decided to start a blog combining my daughter, my sister, and my love of writing.  At 3GB, we write about family/women’s issues from three perspectives: the stay-at-home mom, the medical professional, and the tween/teen.  We also blog about a variety other topics: for example, celebrity gossip, must-haves, and fashion. It’s been a great project which has made us all closer.

2. What is one thing about you that not many people know?

I am an open person, so people who are close to me know almost everything about me.  But one thing most people don’t know is that I cry at the drop of a hat when something sad happens in a movie.  When I was growing up, my family always teased me about that.  I remember watching a Christmas cartoon called Nester the Christmas Donkey when I was 5 or 6.  I ended up sobbing like mad when Nester was kicked out of the manger for having long ears and his mommy died trying to protect him.  Poor Nester was then constantly teased and ostracized by his peers.  Perhaps this is why I am so committed to everyone being treated fairly, and I always want to correct the injustices in the world.  Anyway, that’s the one thing that most folks don’t know about me.  I am a sucker for a sad tale.

3. What was your biggest challenge being a mom?

I had a few, but I’ll narrow it down to one that is a constant challenge: keeping the balance between being a strict parent and allowing my kids to express themselves.  It’s such a delicate balance.  I grew up in a single-parent household, so what my mom said was the law.  Though I understand this method of parenting, I don’t think it is the healthiest way to rear children.  Your child should be able to express their thoughts, concerns, and opinions.  Yes, that’s right.  I believe that children should be allowed to disagree with their parents and that parents should consider their child’s feelings and opinions when certain decisions are made– not all decisions, of course.  Sometimes there is no room for negotiation, like when it comes to bed times during the academic year. But if you want to raise independent thinkers, I think that the shut up and just listen to me mentality is not wise.

4. What are the main things kids do that you wish they wouldn’t?

Bullying.  My middle son has had his fair share of bullying in his lifetime.  It was heartbreaking for his dad and me to see him go through that.  He has a naturally sweet disposition, but his peers unfortunately saw it as a weakness. Thankfully, his situation is a lot better now, but as my son continues to toughen up, we hope that he never loses the essence of who he is: an honorable, upright man who lives up to his name, Arshad.

5. What common mistakes do you see moms doing that you wish they wouldn’t?

That’s easy.  Being indulgent.  We’re a part of the i generation.  Most kids only think about themselves.  Most of their needs are wants and most of their wants are over the top.  I’m sorry, but there is no way that you are dressing in fancier designer clothes than me!  I always tell my children that Mommy and Daddy will get you what you need.  For birthdays and special occasions, I spoil them– but not excessively.  Ten and eleven year olds don’t need iPhones and iPads.  Get back to the basics, moms and dads.  Or else be prepared for the monsters you create.

6. What is your best tip for moms? 

As a parent, it is important to realize that you are raising tomorrow’s leaders.  It’s a great responsibility that should not be taken lightly.  I wrote an article a few months ago in which I gave specific guidelines to parents.  It was titled “Raising Tomorrow’s Leaders.”  Here is what I said:

As you look around, you sometimes see a successful leader and wonder how this person got to this place.  You may look at your own life and wonder what the difference is between them and you.  “Is it luck, destiny, or genetics?” you may ask yourself.   Though some people are natural leaders, most leaders had to cultivate their talent.  It all starts with the first role model a child usually has: the parent.  As a parent, it  is important to realize how much of your children’s outlook, behavior, and attitude is determined by you.  It is you they look up to before they look to outside role models.  In fact, the way you raise them will often determine who those outside role models are.  So let’s look at four important traits that you should display as a parental role model.  These attributes are the keys to raising a successful leader.

Respect:  Teach your children to respect themselves, their elders, and their peers.  If your child has high self-esteem, which comes from respecting him or herself, your child will likely not engage in reckless, self-destructive behaviors, e.g., abusing drugs and/or alcohol, promiscuity, etc.  Allow your child to embrace the concept that his/her body is a temple.  The best way to teach this is by setting an example in your own life.  Eat healthy, exercise, and be mindful of the way you treat and speak to others.  Children pick up on disdainful tones and will mimic your disrespectful behavior.

Honesty:  As parents, one of our main goals is to raise trustworthy children.  Instill honesty in your children and you will set them on a life-long path of  trustworthiness.  Be careful not to tell lies because your children pay attention to everything you say and do.  If your children hear you telling “small white lies,” it’s only a matter of time before they start bending the truth.

Tolerance:  Patience is a virtue.  Teaching your children to be calm and rational when dealing with others is the best gift you can give them.  A tolerant person can handle any situation and turn something negative into a positive.  Be conscious of how you approach problems and help your children develop their own problem-solving skills.  Avoid simply solving every problem for your child.  This will make your child independent and help to build strong leadership skills.

Kindness:  While it sounds simple, it is not always easy to teach kindness.   Without compassion for others, your child will develop a repulsive “me-first” mentality.  Teach your child the value of considering others’ feelings, needs, and thoughts.  Strong leaders need the support of their troops and must inspire them.  And let’s face it… if you’re mean and harsh, no one will follow you, even if your project or cause promotes something positive.  The messenger has to be just as positive as the message.  So parents, be kind to those around you and volunteer to help the less fortunate.  Your children will learn their first lesson in compassion from your example.

Building strong character in our children is the toughest job of a parent, but it is the most rewarding.  Children’s futures depend on how successfully they manage relationships in their personal and professional lives.  If they have R.H.T.K. (Respect, Honesty, Tolerance, and Kindness), they will be on a path to success.

7.  What are your favorite brands and where do you buy them?

I’m not really into brand names.  That went out for me when I stopped working.  There are not too many occasions for me to rock a Chanell or Escada suit anymore.  Now I shop for quality merchandise that fits my body.  I usually go to Ann Taylor or Chico’s if I need something casual that can cross over to evening wear with a few accessories.  I also look around the racks of TJMaxx and Marshall’s.  At both discount retailers, I get top designers for less. Or I just find something that fits me well.

8.  What are your contact details?

Website http://3girlsblogging.com

Facebook http://www.facebook.com/pages/3Girlsbloggingcom/109697855780217

Twitter http://twitter.com/#!/3Girlsblogging

9. What social networking sites do you recommend and why?

I enjoy connecting with moms on several social networking sites.  My top picks are SocialMoms, MotherboardMoms, Voiceboks, and Diva Cafe.  The women in these communities are outstanding.  They are always ready and willing to share their own mommy tales from the trenches and to give you great mommy advice.

No, I’m not referring to Rhianna’s controversial song.  It’s been only two weeks since school began, and one of my pups has already gotten sick.  My youngest son Arman’s allergies have been bothering him.  He ended up with a fever and congestion, so I kept him home.  He looked so cute wrapped up in his favorite blanket, sleeping on the couch.  By 1:00 p.m., he woke up and was feeling better.  He is trying to play it off like he is still ill, hoping that he’ll be able to spend another day at home.  But there is no fooling mommy.  When you’re up giggling at Tom & Jerry and asking for your favorite foods (McDonald’s and Sesame Chicken), you’re better.  He’ll whine in the morning before he leaves, but off to school he will go.

At what age would you allow your daughter to wear makeup?  For most moms, this question can be a source of conflict between them and their adolescent daughters.  An argument can be made that young girls wearing makeup may attract the attention of boys and indicate that these girls are trying to be too grown up.  While I understand these fears and concerns, I have a different take on this issue.  To me, wearing makeup at a young age is not necessarily taboo.  Makeup, like clothes and hair, is a way for girls to be creative and express themselves.  They should remember to be tasteful and know where and when to display their creative looks.  Moms and daughters should discuss the parameters and come to an agreement.

Moms, ask yourselves, “Why shouldn’t my daughter feel good about the way she looks?”  If makeup helps your daughter feel confident and pretty, what’s the harm?  Anything that raises a young girl’s self-esteem is a good thing.  As a mom, I have instilled certain values in my daughter, so wearing or not wearing makeup will not change her outlook.  We have open communication, and I am involved in her life.  So if you have a close relationship with your tween/teen daughter and have set boundaries, including no dating, drugs, drinking, smoking, or premarital sex, then makeup should not be a concern.  Moms, know your daughters and pick your battles, so you can avoid the pointless shouting matches.

Recently five year old Suri Cruise was seen “parading” around Manhattan on Fashion Friday wearing red lipstick.  Some question her parents’ liberal attitude, but I say, “Who cares?!”  Teach your daughter the right values and makeup will not be a concern.  And which mom hasn’t indulged her young daughter by allowing her to wear mommy’s lipstick?  Critics, give it a rest!