Dear Lisa
Question: My two year old son just started a terrible new habit of spitting on people. Anytime he can’t get his way, he tries to spit on you. I’m embarrassed to take him out. Do you have any advice?
- Spit On
Answer: Dear S.O.,
All toddlers test the boundaries, so don’t be embarrassed. It is important for us, as parents, to set limits, even for toddlers. Though they may not fully comprehend why they are being punished, they will soon make the connection that actions can have consequences. So just as we applaud our toddlers for good behavior, we must also discipline them for the bad things they may do as well. I suggest taking away his favorite toy when he spits. Put it on top of the fridge or any high place that he can’t reach. When he pleads for the toy, say, “No, I took it away because you did a naughty thing when you spit at Mommy.” He’ll cry, but then he’ll start to understand. This phase won’t last forever, but be prepared to stand your ground. It will all work out in the end, and your little guy will understand that you disciplined him out of love. All the best!
- The Substantive Mom
Ah, the terrible twos! Toddlers don’t have a lot of words and social skills yet, so when they feel strong emotion they sometimes do some pretty socially unacceptable or embarrassing things. This might be a little harder with a young two, but one thing you can try when he is in a good mood and you think he will be receptive to playing a little learning game is say, “Nobody likes to be spit on. Let’s practice other ways of being mad.” Then practice something like, “Shake your head and say, ‘I don’t like that.’” Make a little game out of it, get some of his toys involved in the game, be silly about it. Next time he starts getting frustrated and you think he might start spitting, remind him, “Remember what we practiced about when we get mad?” Praise him, of course, if he does remember and acts appropriately. With reminders and practice (and burgeoning verbal skills) — and, of course, time — this too shall pass. (And then it’ll be some other challenge, LOL!)
Role playing is a great solution. And Heidi is so right; after this phase, there will be some other challenge. A mom’s work is endless.